I'm mixin' it up a little:
Pretty much since I was 15 I've had at least one person in my life that I shared everything with, emotionally. I shared my struggles and victories with a boyfriend or best friend that a lot of times could feel them as their own. I grew to find that comforting and normal.
2011 comes along and this realization of that fact came with it. And it only became apparent because I suddenly felt like I had been pushed away from that feeling of someone being there. I didn't necessarily have someone I wanted to share all my personal things with.
I didn't feel alone, or lonely, or anything like that. I still lived with my best friend, talked to my family regularly, and surrounded myself with good people. It was a positive change to me because I felt like I was learning things about myself.
I've spent a significant amount of my prayer time selfishly asking for confidence in future successes and struggles as I started to not think so positively of my new, uh, state of being.
I should've known what was to come. I wasn't going to wake up one morning and spill coffee all over my self on the way to school, and just viola! be ok with it. Instead, God started formulating His plans to give me the chance over and over to build my own confidence and learn how to be strong on my own. You might be thinking, "How do you know that?"
I know that because it's happening. It has been happening and I just realized that I totally asked for it.
In this city where I don't fully relate to anyone, it's happening. It makes me feel bad for any time I've doubted the capabilities of the God I serve.
Have you ever wondered how many 20something American girls move to Malaysia in the middle of the summer? I wondered, and let me give you an educated guess... one.
So, I'm in these new situations daily that I'm struggling to get through. Without my usual support group, I'm figuring out how to get through these situations in different ways.
There's not really ever a preferred time to be thrown into disequilibrium, but I really couldn't ask for a better time than now. I love the fact that I'm about to grow as a person in ways I clearly didn't know I could. My faith definitely being one of those ways.
Pictures next time, I promise. :)
I miss you and love you!