I'm mixin' it up a little:
Pretty much since I was 15 I've had at least one person in my life that I shared everything with, emotionally. I shared my struggles and victories with a boyfriend or best friend that a lot of times could feel them as their own. I grew to find that comforting and normal.
2011 comes along and this realization of that fact came with it. And it only became apparent because I suddenly felt like I had been pushed away from that feeling of someone being there. I didn't necessarily have someone I wanted to share all my personal things with.
I didn't feel alone, or lonely, or anything like that. I still lived with my best friend, talked to my family regularly, and surrounded myself with good people. It was a positive change to me because I felt like I was learning things about myself.
I've spent a significant amount of my prayer time selfishly asking for confidence in future successes and struggles as I started to not think so positively of my new, uh, state of being.
I should've known what was to come. I wasn't going to wake up one morning and spill coffee all over my self on the way to school, and just viola! be ok with it. Instead, God started formulating His plans to give me the chance over and over to build my own confidence and learn how to be strong on my own. You might be thinking, "How do you know that?"
I know that because it's happening. It has been happening and I just realized that I totally asked for it.
In this city where I don't fully relate to anyone, it's happening. It makes me feel bad for any time I've doubted the capabilities of the God I serve.
Have you ever wondered how many 20something American girls move to Malaysia in the middle of the summer? I wondered, and let me give you an educated guess... one.
So, I'm in these new situations daily that I'm struggling to get through. Without my usual support group, I'm figuring out how to get through these situations in different ways.
There's not really ever a preferred time to be thrown into disequilibrium, but I really couldn't ask for a better time than now. I love the fact that I'm about to grow as a person in ways I clearly didn't know I could. My faith definitely being one of those ways.
Pictures next time, I promise. :)
I miss you and love you!
Being an adult is awesome. Knowing you can take care of yourself is a great feeling. With God you can do anything. And the added bonus is you still have friends and family that are going to support you 100%. God gave you the people in your life for a reason. Sometimes it just takes patience to figure it all out. I heard a priest one time say when asked why something happened: "Because God said so". Just as a child is told to clean their room and brush their teeth - and the child asks why. The parent says "because I said so". We do not understand as a child but it becomes evident as an adult why they made us do those things. God is saying now as we live on earth "because I said so". And each year as you grow older - you will understand more and more why you have to go through the events in your life. We are here for you always. I can't wait for more pictures. I love seeing the culture! Love you lady.
ReplyDeleteWOW Meagan!im so proud of you and couldnt be any happier for you!!! You know i really think God gave you this opportunity.. pray to him everyday, hes always there, and i dont think it is selfish to pray for success and to help you with your struggles, hes there to listen and if you ask for things your not ready for or something he doesnt have plan for your life, he wont give you that, he knows whats right always!!! after this experience you are going to become even stronger!!
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